Trying 2 get back 2 wat was called once "MY LIFE" trying 2 4get the feeling of luv , hope & passion which i enjoyed 4 some wonderful tym

Confused………

wishing 2 taste the sweetness of luv again - I try 2 recontact her - stunned by her last written words on my mob. which BLOCKING me like a big Ugly NOOO sign ( I REFUSE U ) She cannt b more clear or frank.

amazed by the toughness of her heart & blindess of mine, feeling insulted, my dignity is hurted much than i - even called cold blood - can take … tears rise into my eyes as months b4 , i stop myself 4m trying 2 contact her ….

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going 2 bed wz mind full of stormy thoughts ,,, blaming myself 4 wat i said abwt her ,,,, i knew she nvr cheated me ,, i knew I CHEATED MYSELF AS ALWAYS ,,, i tried 2 blame her 4 my sadness not to feel responsable 4 my own mistakes

strange dreams … i dreamed of a huge terrible black FLy in size of a dog in our home garden (( when i was a child my mom told me a fly in a dreams means someone will die soon))

i hope I'm the 1 who dies

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waking at morning put on my clothes & the mask of rigid grim on my face ,,, go 2 the cemmetry (college) ,,,,, when i c a friend i try 2 smile ,,,it's sooo hard 2 smile while u r sooo sad ,,, all i wanna do is 2 cry as a small baby a candy taken 4m his hand ,,,,,, wanna cry tell some1 older give it back 2 me ……. i know this will not happen ,,, i know it's the end of these great days & the end of that dream

hearing the song of Khaled 3aggaag "hardest luv" makes me crazy …. they should stop making such a strong songs ….

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only one thing i wanna know … is all that was an illusion ??? or she really felt something 4 me thn i did somethng made her hate me that much !!!!!!!

i must b mad person 2 think that way